Dear Anxiety, I’m Not Thinking About You

Dear Anxiety,

I’m not thinking about you.
I hear you when you say I’m not good enough.
I feel your frigid grasp.
I see the world around me twirl in slow motion.
My mind just won’t relax.
I still carry the guilt, the unwieldy guilt
For failing yesterday.
Letting worry and panic consume me while other people laugh.
I’m sick of feeling this way, like I have the weakest mind.
I know your tricks
And today
I can outsmart you.

I’m not thinking about you.

I hear my girl say, “Mama”
I hear my son say, “You’re the best mom EVER”
I hear my husband say, “I love you”
I feel that piping hot cup of coffee with creamer.
I taste it, too.
I feel my son’s warm hugs.
I feel my mother’s fuzzy robe–the one she wore when she didn’t want to think about ports or medicine or how much time she had left.
I see bright green eyes.
Two sets of blue ones, too.
My mind slows down a little.
I take some deep breaths.
The sun hits my skin.
I’ll carry the guilt
but not for much longer.
I dump the guilt out,
all the way out.
I will not fail today
Because I know you
and I can say
I’m not thinking about you.

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